Re: Second Jounrey into the Mines of Kazak Zaroth

Posted by MortiS-the-Lost on Aug 10, 2011; 10:17am
URL: http://the-lost-and-the-damned.71.s1.nabble.com/Second-Jounrey-into-the-Mines-of-Kazak-Zaroth-tp6671317p6671769.html

Another great after action report

I'm going to pick you up on a few bits of word here - remember if you are going to write from the point of view of your character that they don't think in terms of how much damage their weapons do or how much damage a pit trap does

for example "D’ynar had cast a spell over his sword and made it flame, upping the damage it could cause." would work better as "D’ynar had cast some spell over his sword wreathing it in flame, which made it a much more deadly weapon"
and "And the trap thankfully caused no damage" would read better as "And the trap thankfully left her unharmed"

also:

Madame M wrote

At the agreement of the group Recht reopened the portcullis. Machela took point, looking for traps in the corridor beyond. She discovered a pressure plate that was most likely paired with the hole in the wall that could just be made out behind her. Anja made a note to get over the pressure plate and out of the way of the hole as quickly as possible – there were those in the group who seemed to have an affinity with setting off traps.

I think you need to make it more clear that the pressure plate was disabled by the thief before the party crossed it

anyway - over all another excellent write up