WAR!!!

Time to kick ass

What is WAR!!!?

What is WAR!!!?

-War is when two or more people have different view points on the world and decide that the best way to settle said view points is by bashing each others brains out, and then some. However, people found this immensely boring, because you can only have so much fun with your brains on the ground. In addition, unless you are very muscular, you aren't going to be all that good at war. Then some bloke decided to try to make a game out of war by using tiny rocks to represent people fighting, and also by using a board in place of a field. His game was so immensely popular that some muscular people killed him and then stole the game bringing it back to their kingdom. The game was so much more fun then bashing out each others brains that they soon conquered an empire just so they could spread it out across it. The game was enjoyed for many decades, before wandering barbarians, who never could figure out how to play it, came in and made a real mess of said empire, before finally figuring out how to play said game. They also enjoyed the game very much, and settled down and built castles so that they wouldn't lose that one pieces or one of the dice. They eventually realized that that body of water to their left wasn't just some endless thing, but that it had people on some land who played a different game from there's. This so enraged them, that they built a fleet of ships to go over there and beat the snot out of all of those idiots who claimed that their game was much better then theirs, which it wasn't. Somehow, they realized that the game the other people played wasn't half bad, and killed them all, so that they couldn't say “I told you so” over and over again every time they played it. However, the game was still lacking something that their game had, but it also had somethings that the original game lacked. So they tried to combine the two games. The result of the first match was nothing short of spectacular, as it accidentally leveled several cities, and still ended in a draw. After much more trial and error (and cities) they eventually made a war game that was so perfect, that they had to create a new word to describe how perfect it was: Superfect. The game brought peace to the world, mainly because they didn't want to lose their city to underground followings of the game who decided that THIS rule would work much better here. The game is said to be so fun, that it feels like you ARE bashing the brains out of your opponent.

This game...

is NOT WAR!!!

WAR!!! is the kind of game you play when you have smashed out your brains already.

What you'll need

several dice of the following types:

-D4

-D6

-D8

-D10

-D12

-D20

A pen and paper

A board to play on

A tape measure (inches)

A lamp shade

A pair of Air Jordans

Cool sunglasses (no those aren't cool enough)

A working knowledge of Japanese

Cookies

Stats

-In order to play WAR!!! you must first know how badass your unit is. But how are you to know such a thing? FEAR NOT, for we have devised a system to show you how awesome (or lame) your unit is:

Running!

-this is how fast your model can run. It is given in inches.

Face punching!

-This is how able your unit is at punching someone's face.

Ass throwing!

-This is how well your unit is able to throw an other unit's ass.

Pain causing!

-this is how much pain your unit can cause.

Sucking up!

-This is how able your unit is at ignoring a punch to the gut (or groin).

Blood!

-This is how much blood is left in your guys body. If the amount of blood equals 0, then you must remove that model (he's dead).

Stayingness!

-This is how good your model is at staying in combat.

Other

-next to some units is another profile. This is used to denote ranged weapons and will be talked about later.

Ranks!

-Next to (or under) every stat is a number from 1 to 6. For every stat (with the exception of Running! and Blood!) this number doesn't mean the number you have to roll on a dice: this is the dice you are rolling! For every test, you must roll greater than or equal to a 4 on your die (or else risk dying). Below is a chart of each rank and the type of dice it means:

rank	Dice type
1	D4
2	D6
3	D8
4	D10
5	D12
6	D20

Weapons!

-Everybody needs a weapon to kill other people. Luckily, all of the weapons in this game kill almost as good as the next (any difference is noted in their profile. BUT WAIT, what about ranged weapons? Well these are given a seperate profile next to the unit in which it is helping. Such profile may be structured as follows:

Pistol	6”	3	none

The 3 represents how much Pain causing the weapon has (so in this example, it would be a D8). The 6” repressents from how far away you are able to actualy harm someone with this weapon. There may be some changes in these rules, but, weapons with ranged may have one of the following things in the third colum:

none

-nothing special about it.

cartridge

-may be used more then once in a turn.

X shots

-The x repressents how many shots one firing of this weapon has.

How to kill people!

-Now that we've gone over all of the technical stuff concerning how to kill a person, we will now take you through the actual process of killing someone (not in real life). First you must declare which unit is doing the killing, and how they are killing (if it is Brawling! Then use Face punching stat, if Shooting! Use Ass throwing! Stat). You then roll one of the aproaprite dice for every model within the range specified by how they are killing and then count the number of dice at or above 4, which counts as a hit. Then, you roll the equivelent number of dice that hit in the Pain causing! Stat on either the ranged weapon (if Shooting!) or the model itself (if Brawling!) and count the number of dice at or above 4. Your opponet then rolls that number of dice using the Sucking up! Stat on the unit. Remove an equal amount of Blood! From that unit as there are dice at or below 4. Any models in that unit which have 0 Blood! as a result of this are removed because they are out of Blood! (or simular blood like substance).

Man vs. Men(or -er vs. -ers)!

-If you have read ahead (or posses phsychic powers) you may have noticed that there are two profiles per unit with two different point values. You may have also noticed that next to each of the profiles is a number value that is either 5+ or 1. That is because there are two types of units and, in order to take one of them, you must take 1 man (or -er) of that type. Well, the ratio's don't work out exactly like that, but we'll discuss that later.

Moving!

-So now you think your ready to play a game of WAR!!!? Well think again fancy man, you don't even know how to move! This is fairly self explanatory: you measure from one point on your model to a point on the board that distance away. It doesn't matter if it's the side closest, farthest, or sideways to the point you're going, just so long as a place that point on the spot you are moving to. People who don't do this (repeatedly) will be dealt with as cheaters, as defined under the cheater section.

Turns!

-Now that you think you're ready to play, I'm going to introduce you to a concept you may have forgoten about: Turns! Each turn works as the following:

1.count up and mark down the number of unit's you have left. This is the number of Orders?!? your entire army has.

2.Give the following orders to your units (with the exception of Runing!, you can only give these orders once per unit

Runing!	Your unit moves forward as many inches as is specified by their Running! Stat.
Brawling!	Your unit moves forward as many inches as their Running! Stat allows, then proceeds to beat the snot out of the enemy unit. Unfotunatly, the enemy unit gets to Brawl you back (even if they don't want to).
Shooting!	Measure the distance from shooting unit to target unit. If it is within the weapon's range, you may proceed to shoot them.

3.Roll for the Staying power! For every unit that lost more Blood! Then it took from the opponent this turn. If the roll is below 4, then they immediately move their Running! Distance times D4 towards the nearst board edge. If they touch or go over the edge, please kindly remind them that the world isn't round, then count all of the models in that unit as dead.

How to Play!

-In order to play WAR!!! you must first find a mate. Failing that, you could always play with one of your friends. Then you'll need an area to play on, we recommend using one around 36” by 60” but your dinning room table will do just fine. We also recommend you play in a circular room. After that, you'll need to decide what kind of game you are going to play, which also decides what models you'll need:

Bachler! (up to 750 pts)

-Unit ratio is you must have a man for every unit of men you have. In addition, you can't have more then 5 men to a unit. Treat each model as its own unit (even the ones in the men unit). You can Brawling! Another unit if you are within 2” of it. Model size is 25mm, and can be either round or square (just so long as all models are the same size).

Party!(750 to 5000 pts)

-You can have up to 3 units of men (which can number any where from 5 to 30 each) for every man you have. Units must be within 8” of all other models from that same unit (people who cronically fail to do this will be dealt with as defined under the cheaters section). Models can be Brawling! If they are within 1” of an enemy unit. Model size is 25mm, and can be either round or square (just so long as all models are the same size).

+1 (5000pts and upwards)

-You can have up to five units of men (who must number atleast 30 models each and can go to 50, 100, 1000, or 2 trillion(if you have a game with 2 trillion models in one unit, please tell me and I'll bring the chips and salsa)) for every man you have. Units of men are repressented by a 3” by 5” note card (which must be clearly marked as to which unit, and how many models are in it originaly, and now) while men are repressented by a 35mm model. The range of all weapons is halfed. You must be in base contact to be Brawling! And the number of models you have to Brawl is half on the 5” sides and only a quarter on the 3” sides.

After deciding the game type you are playing, you must determine your lists as defined under that game's rules and be within a reasonable distance of your opponets points. After this, decide what kind of game you are going to play:

Kill them all!

-The person who has killed the most points worth of enemy units wins. In the event of a tie, play another game.

Kill that guy!

-Both players nominate one man in the opponent's army. You only win if you can kill that model.

Take that thing!

-ahh, the obligatory objective mission. Place D6 objectives on the board. The person who holds the most of them at the end is the winner. Failing that, then it's who ever killed the most points.

Next you must determine who sets up and goes first. This is determined by whoever is wearing the cooler pair of airjordans for the game (as all things must be). Failing that, play a game of rock, paper, scissors to determine that. After this, you play a turn until you have used up all of your orders, in which it becomes the opposing player's turn, and so on and so on until all players have had 6 turns or there are no models left in their army (or they surrender).

Finally, if you had won your last game, you must wear a pair of cool sunglasses (once again, no those. The ones a little more to the left. There we go.). However, if you lost your last game, then you must wear a lamp shade on your head until:

a) you win

b) your opponet tells you to stop

c) your wife tells you to stop

Cheating!

-It is inevitable that someone will cheat. Whether it is by using loaded dice, using slight of hand to get that roll, nodging that model that extra inch, or any other thing that can be determined as cheating. Cheaters automatically forefit the game and must stand in the corner and count backwards from a hundred in Japanese, until they can play again.

The Armies!

Humans!

Cave men!

-These guys like to go to battle with clubs and stones. What, do they live under a rock? (No they live in one!)

R!	Fp!	At!	Pc!	Su!	B!	Sp!	Pts	N
4”	3	2	3	4	1	1	3	5plus
4”	4	2	3	4	3	1	20	1

Sword men!

-For as long as man can rember, he has gone to war with sword in hand. Then he realised it would be much better to use this sharp metal thing.

R!	Fp!	At!	Pc!	Su!	B!	Sp!	Pts	N
4”	4	1	4	3	1	3	5	5plus
4”	5	1	4	3	3	3	30	1

Gun men!

-These are men with big guns. And not big guns, we mean BIG guns.

musket	18”	3 At!	none

R!	Fp!	At!	Pc!	Su!	B!	Sp!	Pts	N
4”	2	3	3	3	1	3	7	5plus
4”	2	4	3	3	3	3	40	1

Modern men!

-these are your everyday modern men. What, where you expecting a joke?

rifle	12”	3 At!	cartidge

R!	Fp!	At!	Pc!	Su!	B!	Sp!	Pts	N
4”	3	4	3	3	1	4	10	5plus
4”	3	5	3	3	3	4	55	1

Future men!

-These are men from the future, and they travlled back in time (or forward? Or sideway?) just to kick your ass.

Laser gun	18”	4 At!	cartidge

R!	Fp!	At!	Pc!	Su!	B!	Sp!	Pts	N
4”	3	5	3	4	1	4	14	5plus
4”	3	6	3	4	3	4	75	1

Aliens!

Face eaters!

-These are the kind of aliens that eat your face. You know, like the one right behind you.

R!	Fp!	At!	Pc!	Su!	B!	Sp!	Pts	N
5”	4	1	4	1	1	4	5	5plus
5”	5	1	5	1	3	4	35	1

Runningers!

-These are the kind of aliens who love to run everywhere. All the time, every time, and all night (baby).

R!	Fp!	At!	Pc!	Su!	B!	Sp!	Pts	N
8”	3	1	3	4	1	4	8	5plus
8”	4	1	4	4	2	4	50	1

Little Green Men!

-They come in peace. Just kiding, their here to royaly kick your ass.

Green beam thing	12”	3 At!	Cartidge

R!	Fp!	At!	Pc!	Su!	B!	Sp!	Pts	N
4”	2	3	2	2	1	4	7	5plus
4”	2	4	2	2	3	5	65	1

Squid man!

-Protect me!

Wrist thingy	6”	4 At!	none

R!	Fp!	At!	Pc!	Su!	B!	Sp!	Pts	N
3”	4	3	3	5	1	4	10	5plus
3”	5	4	3	5	4	4	65	1

Doomers!

-Hey you remember that one dog, you know the one that used to crap on your lawn every day right where you least expected it and you'd step in it every day as you got your newspaper? You remember what you did to that dog? Well that's nothing compared to what THIS will do to you.

DOOM!!!	12”	5 At!	cartidge

R!	Fp!	At!	Pc!	Su!	B!	Sp!	Pts	N
4”	3	5	3	5	2	5	21	5plus
4”	4	6	3	6	4	6	100	1

Robots!

Defectives!

-this is you if you were a robot

R!	Fp!	At!	Pc!	Su!	B!	Sp!	Pts	N
4”	1	1	2	2	2	1	2	5plus
4”	1	1	3	3	3	3	20	1

Bombs!

-These are walking time bombs! No, they're more to the left.

Bomb	2”	6 At!	none

R!	Fp!	At!	Pc!	Su!	B!	Sp!	Pts	N
6”	1	5	1	1	1	6	9	5plus
6”	1	6	1	1	1	6	35	1

Turrets

-Hello, are you still there? Really, I thought you'd lose interest by now.

Turret gun	18”	4 At!	3 shots

R!	Fp!	At!	Pc!	Su!	B!	Sp!	Pts	N
2”	1	5	1	3	1	6	10	5plus
2”	1	6	1	3	3	6	45	1

Scouts

-Now I know what you're thinking, “hey rulebook god (with abs of steel!!!) why weren't these guys earlier?” And my response is, “Ask them yourself.”

R!	Fp!	At!	Pc!	Su!	B!	Sp!	Pts	N
8”	4	1	4	1	1	6	10	5plus
8”	5	1	4	1	3	6	50	1

War mek!

-This is what happens when a scientis tries to make awesome incarnate. They succeed.

Death	18”	6 At!	none

R!	Fp!	At!	Pc!	Su!	B!	Sp!	Pts	N
3”	6	6	6	6	1	6	25	5plus
3”	6	6	6	6	3	6	135	1

Wizards!

Weaklings!

-These are the wozards who are so weak, they get bullied by the other wizards.

Weak magik	18”	2 At!	none

R!	Fp!	At!	Pc!	Su!	B!	Sp!	Pts	N
3”	1	2	2	2	1	3	3	5plus
3”	3	2	3	3	2	4	25	1

Mages!

-please don't ask why, no one quite knows the reason.

Decent Magik	6”	3 At!	none

R!	Fp!	At!	Pc!	Su!	B!	Sp!	Pts	N
4”	1	3	2	2	1	3	4	5plus
4”	3	4	3	3	2	4	30	1

Apprentices!

-these are the wizards who are so weak that they let other wizards control them. The best they can do is bring brooms to life.

Brooms	12”	4 At!	none

R!	Fp!	At!	Pc!	Su!	B!	Sp!	Pts	N
4”	1	3	2	2	1	4	6	5plus
4”	3	4	3	3	2	5	50	1

Channelers!

-These wizards do nothing more then sit on their bum all day and flip through all the T.V. Stations. However, they are very good at this.

Flipping	18”	3 At!	3 shots

R!	Fp!	At!	Pc!	Su!	B!	Sp!	Pts	N
4”	1	4	2	2	1	4	8	5plus
4”	3	5	3	3	2	5	65	1

Wizards!

-The hat makes the man, has never been truer. They can kick your ass all day long and still look awesome for the ladies. As a point of interest: no wizard has ever been married (or laid for that matter).

Magik	24”	4 At!	none

R!	Fp!	At!	Pc!	Su!	B!	Sp!	Pts	N
4”	1	5	2	2	2	5	15	5plus
4”	3	6	3	3	3	6	80	1

Other Humans

Plain men!

-these are guys who lead very boring lives, so boring that they called it plain.

R!	Fp!	At!	Pc!	Su!	B!	Sp!	Pts	N
4”	4	1	3	4	1	1	3	5plus
4”	5	1	3	4	3	1	25	1

Spearmen!

-See description for Sword men and replace “Sword” with “Spear”.

R!	Fp!	At!	Pc!	Su!	B!	Sp!	Pts	N
4”	4	1	3	4	1	3	5	5plus
4”	5	1	3	4	3	3	30	1

Bow men!

-They bow to no one.

Bow	24”	2 At!	none
R!	Fp!	At!	Pc!	Su!	B!	Sp!	Pts	N
4”	2	3	3	3	1	3	7	5plus
4”	2	4	3	3	3	3	40	1

Infantry men!

-These are men who are still very early in their development. Wait, no they aren't. Then why are the infants?

Assault rifle	12”	3 At!	2 shots

R!	Fp!	At!	Pc!	Su!	B!	Sp!	Pts	N
4”	4	3	3	3	1	4	10	5plus
4”	5	3	3	3	3	4	55	1

Space men!

-these are men:IN LONDON!

Plasma gun	18”	4 At!	Cartidge

R!	Fp!	At!	Pc!	Su!	B!	Sp!	Pts	N
4”	5	3	3	4	1	4	14	5plus
4”	6	3	3	4	3	4	75	1

Zombies!

Brain eaters!

-These are zombies who walk around, dance, and eat people's brains (don't worry, you're safe).

R!	Fp!	At!	Pc!	Su!	B!	Sp!	Pts	N
3”	1	1	2	3	1	6	2	5plus
3”	1	1	2	3	3	6	15	1

Bloodeaters!

-these are the zombies who eat people's blood. There must be something in there that's a sport drink, because MAN are they fast.

R!	Fp!	At!	Pc!	Su!	B!	Sp!	Pts	N
8”	1	1	2	3	1	6	6	5plus
8”	1	1	2	3	3	6	30	1

Flesh rippers!

-These are the kind of zombies you see in movies nowadays. Only, he's not in a movie, and neither are you.

R!	Fp!	At!	Pc!	Su!	B!	Sp!	Pts	N
3”	3	1	4	4	1	6	7	5plus
3”	3	1	4	4	3	6	40	1

Wolf zombies!

-Just when things couldn't get any worse.

R!	Fp!	At!	Pc!	Su!	B!	Sp!	Pts	N
12”	3	1	4	1	1	6	13	5plus
12”	3	1	4	1	3	6	65	1

Big zombies!

-Hey, remember those drugs you told that one guy to take in order to win that game? Well, this is him trying to say thanks.

R!	Fp!	At!	Pc!	Su!	B!	Sp!	Pts	N
4”	6	1	6	6	2	6	20	5plus
4”	6	1	6	6	4	6	80	1